This whole Experiment of Green*

Spring is nearly here. It can't come soon enough for me. This has been the longest, coldest, grottiest winter for thirty years, and I will be *so* glad to see the back of it.

But the days are getting that little bit longer, and the sun was shining this week. In a fortnight's time it will be the Vernal Equinox, and then a week later we'll be Springing Forward, and something approaching normal service will resume...

Mea culpa dear reader(s) - I've been pretty bad at keeping this blog up to date of late. Mainly because I've had zero energy and a severe shortage of time. But following a rather poignant plea from the Brighton Politics Blogger (shucks BPB, I never knew you cared), I'm going to try and correspond more regularly over coming weeks.

Time is an issue, as I'm (still) looking for some other gainful employment to sit alongside my Council duties, so job applications have to take priority if I find myself staring aimlessly at the laptop screen with a relatively empty Council inbox (ha ha ha - you can imagine how often this is the case). But I'll do my best.

Anyway, suffice to say things are mad busy here and hotting up to molten levels as we enter the final furlong before the general election. There are less than nine weeks to go now.

Plenty of other people have been blogging about our prospects of returning Caroline Lucas in Brighton Pavilion as Westminster's first ever Green MP - there's still an epic amount of work to do, but the lighter evenings herald a major stepping up of a pace which has been fairly relentless even through the black nights of winter (massive props must go to Cllr Alex Phillips for her legendary efforts on the doorsteps in Withdean throughout the 'Snow Chaos' in January, and the general gloominess and chill of February).

So not wanting to repeat that which has been more than ably expressed elsewhere over the last few weeks, here are some other things which have been on my radar:

1. Very busy with Council work
Will post separately about this next week in order to do it full justice. Highlights: Phoenix will be putting in their planning application by the end of the month, and next Tuesday sees the launch of a new demonstration food growing garden in Preston Park. Lowlights: the recent Budget.

2. The Green Party slot on Channel Four was excellent


My inestimable mother phoned me to say how good she thought it was, so there you go. In fact she even offered to come down and help with the campaign (this is the woman who delivered around a thousand leaflets during my bid for election in 2007), but after some deliberation she has decided to assist instead in the Trafford marginals. Thanks anyway Mum!

3. Blogs I have been liking

• The Plural Progressive - I like your skillz and styles Luke - keep up the good work.
• Odd Cog - anyone who titles a post 'Political Apathy: Epic Fail' has got to be OK.
• Glum Councillors - this is just ace. Spot the B&H Green in the archives... ;) Speaking of which...
  

4. Jason Kitcat's Graphs
Every politics geek will enjoy this.

5. Blogging - I am still doing it wrong (probably)
Here's a handy Guide to Blogging & Facebook for Councillors - in fairness it's pretty sensible stuff. Good pointers for any elected bloggers out there.

6. Twitter
May the goddess forgive me, but I have finally bitten the bullet and joined Twitter. You can 'follow' me here [*messianic face* + lol]. I'm not promising I'll be any better at "tweeting" than I am at blogging as it is clearly extra cyber-mither, but at least I'll get to check out the #hash tags# now [eyes #mobmonday curiously...]

Happy Spring readers! Will check in again shortly - it's nice to be back :)

*After Emily Dickinson - A little madness in the Spring

If you're SAD and you know it clap your hands

Greetings once more, reader(s), after a prolonged absence from the blogosphere. I trust 2010 is treating you well so far, wintry weather notwithstanding.

I must say I find the first couple of months of any new year really hard going (I just want to hibernate) - I know TS Eliot claimed that "April is the cruellest month", but my money's on February every time. [*SAD face*] Roll on Spring.

So - where have I been and what have I been up to? Well...

• The early part of December was utterly consumed by working on amendments to (and negotiations around) the Core Strategy - which resulted in WIN and (hopefully) a more creative, visionary and sustainable future for the built environment in Brighton & Hove.

• Then I went to Girona with Mr K for a week. This was the first proper holiday we'd been able to take together for a very long time, and it was lovely, despite the sub-zero temperatures - to say we were phased watching the Spanish news and seeing Madrid under six inches of snow is an understatement - but it was good mental prep for the "snow and ice chaos" (© The Argus) which greeted us on our return to Blighty.

• It was also a good job I can't speak Spanish (other than the basic niceties) as we were away the week of the Copenhagen Summit, and if I'd been able to follow what was - or perhaps wasn't - going on, it would have cast a cloud over our holibobs proceedings to say the least. I actually shed a tear when I finally got my hands on a Guardian Europe edition the Saturday we were heading back. World Leaders - you fail it. China - you fail hardest. What an epic disappointment and an unbelievable waste of time. I have never felt the call to direct action (and away from electoral politics) more keenly. I will no doubt have more to say on this later on...

• The Christmas and New Year period was mainly spent Up North, before returning to the fray and a shed-load of complaints from residents who were confused and frustrated by the perceived lack of response from the Council to the snow and ice. Things were particularly bad in the hilly parts of the city, which led my Hanover & Elm Grove colleague and Green Group Convenor Cllr Bill Randall to put in a request for urgent scrutiny into the local authority's Winter Plan.

• As a result of Bill's request, there'll now be a public panel hearing about this sometime in March - residents can express their interest in attending by emailing scrutiny@brighton-hove.gov.uk or calling (01273) 291038.

• Since returning from my Yule break, I've been engaged with a wide variety of issues in Preston Park ward, including schools admissions appeals, road safety, planning enforcement, and introducing more recycling facilities at blocks of flats.

• I've also enjoyed continuing to work with the Phoenix Arts Association in progressing their plans to redevelop their building (another very good meeting earlier today, with reps from the Regency Society). And there's LOTS of industry stuff to report back on - it's a bit TL:DR for this post, but in the first instance suffice to say props once more to B&H Planners on their RTPI National award for One Brighton! Excellent work.

• And I've called for a scrutiny report into the city's Open Spaces Strategy, following last year's devastating Planning Appeal decisions which will see unwelcome development on greenfield sites in Preston Park and St Peter's & North Laine wards - I hope to hear whether this will be accepted in the next few weeks.

Last but not least - we are now less than 90 days away from the General Election. A recent ICM poll puts Caroline Lucas in the lead with 35% in Brighton Pavilion. We are on the verge of making the breakthrough to Westminster, but not without Herculean doorstepping efforts in the days and weeks to come.

So if I'm a bit quiet between now and May, you'll forgive me, won't you?

PS Re Baking (sorry BPB) - during B&H SNOWMAGEDDON every corner shop within a half-mile sliding radius was completely sold out of bread. So I decided to make some soda bread (using WWII-rations-alike vinegar 'n' milk as a substitute for buttermilk). Regrettably, I (erm) forgot to add the bicarbonate of soda (I was distracted by the telephone and a gin & tonic). It came out rock-hard and utterly inedible. Moral: don't chat/drink and bake.

GOLDSMID: EPIC GREEN WIN

GRN 1,456 - 38.5% (+17.6%)
GRN GAIN FROM CON

CON 1,104 - 29.2% (-0.9%)

LAB 816 - 21.5% (-6.8%)

LD 280 - 7.4% (-7.32%)

UKIP 129 - 3.4% N/A (others 6% last time)

After an energetic and hard-fought campaign, Alex Phillips emerged victorious in the Goldsmid by-election last night, with an emphatic majority of 350 over the Tory candidate. Labour limped in at third place, with a pitiful 800-odd votes.

WHAT AN AWESOME RESULT! Sorry for shouting, but my God, if there was ever a result to utterly disprove Labour's tired lies that "voting Green lets the Tories in", this is it.

Our first ever seat in Hove.
Our first ever win from the Tories.
Thirteen Green councillors in thirteen years.

Alex deserves this success more than I can say - she worked bloody hard (tirelessly canvassing across the entire ward and ultimately encountering nearly 60% of the electorate - politics geeks will appreciate just how awesome this is) and she fought a clean fight: not for Alex the petty personal attacks that other parties sought to wage.

Alex - you go girl! As Deputy Convenor, I am thrilled to have another woman in our group, and I am so proud of Alex. Goldsmid people, thank you for putting your faith in this exceptional young woman: you now have an elected representative who has proven just how hard she will work for you, and will be an honest and fair representative for you all.

And as for the speculation as to What This Might Mean, watch this space... Suffice to say, Ben, Neil and The BPB are covering all bases at the moment ;)

Oh, sweet!

Goldsmid: final few days

Well, I've not been doing very well at keeping this blog updated over the past few weeks, and for this I apologise - just too much on at the moment, mea culpa gentle reader.

But we're now into the final furlong for the Goldsmid by-election, and the past few days have seen a couple of astonishing developments:

1. Ex-Labour councillor tells Brighton voters - Vote Green

The Labour exodus shows no sign of stopping - now former councillor Vince Meegan (who lost his place on Brighton & Hove City Council in May 2007 by just 30 votes) has publicly voiced his support for Alex Phillips.

Vince said, "As a former Labour councillor for the area, I urge all Labour and Liberal Democrat voters to back her, too. Labour can't win here now, the Greens can.

“Swing your support behind Alex and help defeat the Tories."

2. "Labour wants anything but a Green win in Goldsmid by-election"...

...according to the Brighton Politics Blogger. As Ben says, the mind truly boggles!

Good luck to Alex for the last few days of the campaign - it's clearly a two-horse race between Greens and the Tories, and I hope she gets the victory she's worked so hard to achieve over the past few weeks.

As for me - I'll be posting the result as soon as it comes in on Thursday night / Friday morning. Next week will hopefully see more time for blogging, but then again, I've got to get a job!* Which is an entire post in itself...

*eyes mounting pile of applications and tries to suppress the hideous memory of yesterday's trip to the Job Centre (the first in approximately 15 years). It smelt of wee! :0 I shan't be going there again.

So much to blog about, so little time...

Hello readers! Sorry to be a bit on the quiet side over the past few days.

I'd love to be able to say that my recent radio-silence has been due to a (much-needed) holiday, but the truth is I've just been up to my eyeballs what with one thing and another (Goldsmid, campaigns, committee work, ward case work, meetings etc etc).

The problem with being so busy Doing Stuff is finding the time to blog about it... but now I'm back! Back! BACK! (as Smash Hits used to say). For this evening and tomorrow morning at least. More to follow shortly (in bite-size chunks - no-one wants to be accused of being TL:DR).

Tory Tosh & Labour Lies

"Tory Tosh & Labour Lies" was the title of a classic Regency by-election leaflet, published back in November 2007 when we were fighting to keep our seat in the ward and get Jason Kitcat elected (which we did - with a massive 41.6% of the vote). The title still makes me chuckle even now :)

Anyway, recent days have seen an epic breakout of both Tory Tosh and Labour Lies across Brighton & Hove, at both national and local level electorally:

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SO, FAREWELL THEN DAVID BULL

News broke on Friday that David Bull, a former doctor and TV presenter, was standing down as the Tories' Prospective Parliamentary Candidate for Brighton Pavilion in order to head up a Conservative policy review on sexual health with Anne Milton, the shadow health minister.

This didn't come as a surprise to us - Brighton & Hove Greens had noticed that he'd stopped updating his campaign website months ago.

But why the (not-so-sudden) exit from the contest for a Westminster seat which the Tories had seemed to consider a relatively winnable gain from Labour? Surely not the prospect of losing to Caroline Lucas, or the lure of other, safer, seats which will inevitably become available in the wake of the expenses scandal?

Who can say? One thing's for sure, some Tory activists are pulling [hmm] faces (check out these comments - my favourite one is "this policy review smells like a fig leaf" lol), but Dr Bull is denying everything, especially a big fall-out with the local Conservative Association.

We await the announcement of their replacement candidate with interest (please, God, NOT David Van Day again. Please.*).

*Ben's blog about this nightmarish scenario is very funny.

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LEAFLETS: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG

Labour, on the other hand, just seem to be getting more and more desperate if not downright barking when it comes to the forthcoming Goldsmid by-election, and their accompanying campaign material.

First, their candidate tried to pretend that, erm, she wasn't really a Labour candidate (honest!), whilst simultaneously adopting Green policies.

Then she took up a whole photo in her next leaflet to prove just how Green she really is ("Look kids! THE PLANET IS IN MY HANDS!" - here's a protip love, it's not the kids you should be trying to educate about Climate Change, it's your colleagues in Government).

But to top it all, the most recent Goldsmid Labour by-election communication was little more than a catalogue of lies; a laughable fiction aimed solely at undermining Alex Phillips, the Green candidate for this contest (well, it would be laughable if it weren't breaking the law).

Now, I could take some time here to dissect Labour's feeble effort of a leaflet line-by-line, but to be honest it's so crap and so tired that I really can't be arsed. It's just bobbins.

Plus Ben has already blogged about this (as has Neil Harding - the Brighton Politics Blogger is also keeping a watchful eye, and continuing to urge for a tactical Green vote in Goldmid). And anyway, I understand that the local constabulary are now involved, so probably best not to speculate further on matters which may already be under investigation.

Instead, 'cause I'm feeling generous this evening, here's another tip for Labour's (*ahem*) 'publications gurus': attack other parties' policies in your leaflets, not their people.

Trying to discredit your opponents on a personal level generally goes down like a cup of cold sick with the electorate, and smacks of pure desperation. People just aren't that stupid (unfortunately for you).

Labour, you FAIL IT. Roll on July 23rd.

Goldsmid: the tactical vote is a Green vote

A very interesting post from the Brighton Politics Blogger regarding voting tactically in the Goldsmid by-election to bring an end to Tory misrule in Brighton & Hove:

Tactical Voting Needed to Beat the Tories

In this blog on Wednesday I said that Mary Mears was hanging on to power following the resignation of Paul Lainchbury resulting in a by-election to be held on July 23 in the Goldsmit [sic] ward.

A victory by the Greens (possible) or Labour (increasingly unlikely) would deny the Conservatives control which they currently have on the casting vote of the Mayor.

The Argus has now picked up on this and is reporting that Labour, the Greens and Lib Dems might cooperate to oust Councillor Mears as leader of the council. This would mean that the Tories could no longer form a cabinet and all parties would have to cooperate to run the Council.

Tactical voting is what is needed, and both Labour and Lib Dem supporters should really consider voting for the Green candidate, Alexandra Phillips.

Weekending

Apart from a spot of leafleting in Goldsmid earlier this evening, I am taking it easy this weekend after a rather epic week. The predominant theme was trying to catch up on council work following the Euros. Here's a bit of a round-up:

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On Monday, I had a meeting at the Phoenix with fellow Trustees and senior council officers to discuss plans to refurbish the building.

I've got a soft spot for this modernist landmark, but it's urgently in need of an upgrade and a makeover, not least because there are real problems with solar gain in parts of the building.

RH Partnership are the architects for the project, and they've done an excellent job with the initial design concept:

The design's moved on somewhat since the image above was produced, but this should give you a flavour of the proposals. It's all very exciting, not least because Phoenix are aiming to self-fund the project. I'm hoping pre-application discussions with the Planning officers will happen over the next couple of months.

On Monday evening we had a Group meeting, which included a presentation by CityClean officers regarding the new Waste Strategy for Brighton & Hove. Obviously Greens are always going to be hard to satisfy when it comes to the way in which the city currently manages its refuse and recycling, but there are some surprisingly good proposals in the emerging document.

Sadly nothing as yet regarding taking action on the plastic containers and cutlery used by food retailers on the seafront and throughout the city, but I'm going to keep pushing on this. If we can introduce compulsory biodegradable / compostable vessels and cutlery at events in Brighton & Hove, it will be easier to make the case to local businesses I hope.

And the Supermarket Summit is back on! Apparently.

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Tuesday was devoted to ploughing through my groaning Inbox and dealing with emails, and on Wednesday I had a Planning Committee meeting, preceded by a meeting (wearing my Deputy Convenor hat) with Cllr Brian Oxley in which he outlined his aims as Chair of the Governance Committee over the next municipal year, and asked for feedback from the Green Group on his proposals (guys, if you're reading this, I'll be typing up the notes on Monday).

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On Thursday morning I met with a senior CityParks officer to discuss a request from residents on Preston Park Avenue for an access ramp into the park at the northern-most end of the street. This is an ongoing campaign, and I'll be posting more about this soon.

I had a cultural lunchtime, and then went up to the local party office to stuff envelopes for the Goldsmid campaign with Ben and our friend Alison. After a quick dash home to eat and see Mr K, it was back out for a local party bash at Moksha, to celebrate our success in the Euros.

Dr Caroline Lucas MEP & Cllr Keith Taylor

The lovely Moksha people had made us little cupcakes with green icing :) and a jolly good time was had by all.

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I had meetings throughout Friday morning, with Tourism officers, and then with Planning & Enforcement officers regarding sites adjacent to London Road station. Again, the latter concerns an ongoing campaign, and I'll have more to say on this over coming weeks.

After lunch and a whizz through some emails, it was back to the local party office for yet more envelope stuffing with Jason, Phelim and local party Chair Simon. Four thousand envelopes later, we were finished by 10pm - and retired to the pub.

*phew*

Urban Meadow

I was out leafleting for the Goldsmid by-election this evening, and I spotted this urban meadow in the front garden of one of the houses in Hove Park Villas:



Brilliant! I don't know if this was the result of accident or design, but it's really beautiful and no doubt wonderful for wildlife. Lots of birdsong in the evening air too. All very good for the soul.

Goldsmid in Private Eye (again)

Goldsmid is featured yet again in the latest edition of Private Eye's 'Rotten Boroughs' column - the third item in the past eight weeks.

It could be argued that the Eye is entirely responsible for forcing this by-election: the 'Paul Lainchbury Situation' was an open secret in the council for months before the Tories were forced to confront it, and to do the decent thing by voters in the ward.

But just how decent was the Tories' timing when it came to setting the date for Polling Day?

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Private Eye, 12th June 2009 - 'Rotten Boroughs'

CURSE OF GNOME [*lol]

SO, FAREWELL then Paul Lainchbury, Skidrow-on-Sea's absentee Tory councillor (Eyes passim), who resigned on the day of last week's local and Euro elections.

After Lainchbury, who had missed every Brighton & Hove council committee meeting and community/resident group for a year, was exposed in the Eye, Tory council leader Mary Mears insisted he stay on long enough for Skidrow Tories - who now lose their overall majority [**] - to select the new mayor and cabinet unopposed last month.

This meant the ensuing by-election could not be held on the same day as the Euros, prompting a special poll in Goldsmid ward costing an extra £10,000 - £20,000. Trebles all round!


* I love the 'Curse of Gnome'. Previous victims have included Robert Maxwell and Mohammad Al Fayed.

** The Tories don't, in fact, have an overall majority - they rely on the vote of Independent (former Tory) Cllr Jayne Bennett and the Mayor's casting vote to win in the Council Chamber.

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Are these the same Tories that are forever pontificating about better use of public money?

In February I put forward an amendment to the council budget calling for £20,000 to produce an integrated campus-wide Schools Travel Plan for the Varndean campus (in order to start to tackle the traffic mayhem and serious road safety concerns in Surrenden and Balfour Roads), which the Tories rejected.

Clearly they would rather spend Brighton & Hove tax-payers' money on a needlessly delayed by-election (caused by the inability of one of their members to do the job properly) than road safety for thousands of the city's children and young people.

Goldsmid By-Election: Thursday 23rd July

The Goldsmid by-election will be held on Thursday 23rd July - just as the school holidays are beginning. I think postal voters will be targeted hard by all the parties in this contest as a consequence.

Clearly buoyed by their success in the Euros, UKIP have declared that they'll be putting a candidate forward too - a charming fellow who has previous form in Brighton & Hove as a Tory councillor.

This just gets more and more interesting...

I should be singing from the rooftops

The European election results have now been fully announced. We held both our European seats; nationally, we increased our vote by 44% - an awesome gain.

In Brighton & Hove, the Greens came first across the whole city with 31.3%, beating the Tories by 6,000 votes and taking more than twice as many as Labour.

We also topped the poll in Oxford and Norwich, putting us well on track for electoral success in the General Election in our target constituencies.

And I am really pleased about all of this, honestly I am.

But I can't help feeling very disappointed that we missed out so narrowly on a second seat in the South East, and also that (despite a huge amount of hard work) we fell short in other parts of the UK by a very small margin.

So after all that effort, and despite a massively increased voteshare, we still have only 2 Green MEPs - fewer per votes cast than any other party.*

Yes, the proportional representation system used in the Euro ballot is fairer than the wretched first past the post system we endure for Westminster, but the d'Hondt method still favours larger parties; which is perhaps why it was chosen in the first place.

Ben Duncan, Jim Jay, and plenty of other people have blogged very eloquently about our results in recent hours, so I'll end my contribution here...

...with a final thought that perhaps the main reason why I don't feel like singing from the rooftops today is because I am utterly, utterly ashamed to be Northern right now.



*Votes cast per MEP elected in England and Wales in the 2009 European Elections:
Plaid Cymru 126,702
Con 167,191
UKIP 187,726
Lib Dem 195,358
Lab 195,628
BNP 458,212
Green 611,652

Gutted

BNP gain the North West :(

South East Euro Results - Greens hold seat

Well, we won overall in Brighton & Hove, and Caroline Lucas held her seat, beating Labour into a miserable 5th place in the South East.

Many congratulations to Caroline, and many commiserations to our Euro No. 2 Cllr Keith Taylor, both of whom fought a hard campaign for the Green Euro vote in South East England.

Above all many thanks to all the candidates, and activists in Brighton & Hove and the South East (and friends from beyond), for putting in such a massive amount of graft over the past few months on the Euro trail - the results speak for themselves, and we're now in an unprecedented position to win Brighton Pavilion and elect Caroline Lucas as Westminster's first Green MP.

Well done all!

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Commiserations too to Cllr Rupert Read (Eastern Region), and Cllr Ricky Knight (South West Region) for narrow misses. Am waiting on tenterhooks now for Peter Cranie's result in the North West...

London result in - Greens hold seat

Jean came 4th, beating UKIP into 5th place.

Voteshare 11%, up 3% :D

Joy!

But sadly...

...the BNP have won their first Euro seat, thanks to the good folk of the Yorkshire & Humber region :(

B&H Euro Results just in - Greens top the poll!

Voteshare:

Green 19,727
Conservative 13,891
Labour 9,113
UKIP 7,570
Lib Dem 6,410

What an amazing result! Brighton Pavilion here we come!

And now for a by-election

Talk about picking a day to bury bad news - after months of speculation, Cllr Paul Lainchbury finally announced his resignation on Thursday afternoon. This inevitably means a by-election in Goldsmid ward, where Greens fell just 222 votes short of a seat in the May 2007 local elections.

Ben Duncan has been blogging about the events leading up to Cllr Lainchbury's resignation, and Brighton Blogger Neil Harding has calculated a relatively small 3.5% swing needed if Greens are to win this seat.

We selected local resident Alex Phillips as our candidate for a Goldsmid by-election some weeks ago:


Alex is an excellent candidate, and will make a hard-working, dedicated councillor for Goldsmid ward should she be elected.

The question is, when will the Tories call the by-election? They won't want polling day to fall within the school holidays, so my guess is we'll hear something next week - and then it will be back into the fray.

A Green win in Goldsmid would put us on an equal footing with Labour, with 13 seats apiece, and the Tories would no longer have a workable majority at the council, even with the support of the one independent (former Tory) councillor.

As Ben says, interesting times...

Polling has closed...

Preston Park, 8.30pm

...and now we wait for the results. Having told (telled? - been a teller) at the portacabin polling station in the park for the local elections in May 2007, I can report that the turnout was unusually high here, for the 6-10pm evening period especially.

What this means overall, I couldn't say. Certainly the council officers staffing the station (from 6.45am 'til 10.15pm with a 20 minute break - hmm) were surprised, especially as the Euros have a low turnout traditionally.

So roll on Sunday/Monday, when the waiting will be over. As somebody once said, "I can handle the despair - it's the hope that's killing me". I've got everything crossed for Caroline, Keith, Jean, Peter, and all our candidates in target constituencies.

Thank you if you voted Green today.

Thank you if you even bothered to vote!*

*(but not for the BNP obv.)

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Eagle-eyed readers will spot what is wrong with the above picture (OK, no clever answers here please ;))... the polling portacabin was powered by a stinky diesel generator. There were complaints from tellers, polling station officers, and voters alike, particularly those who found themselves downwind of the fumes. Yuk :(

A few lightbulbs and sockets don't need much power; why can't we use portable micro-renewables for future temporary polling stations, instead of noxious fossil fuel guzzlers?

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My best ever Telling Story is from last May when I went up to Lewisham to help out with their local/AM elections on a dank and damp Spring afternoon.

I was stationed at an infant school near Sue Luxton's house, nervously eyeing up the clouds and the fact that there was no shelter in the playground should it start to rain.

Well, of course, the heavens opened, and there was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide - the school porch was off-limits thanks to campaigning rules, and as I scanned the playground in panic, I spotted a very small wendy house...





















Yes reader, in desperation I ended up cowering in that teeny-tiny wendy house, rolling a [soggy] fag with my knees up to my chin, and the rain pummelling my temporary accommodation, thinking "yes, all my life and all my career I've been working up to this. Oh, the GLAMOUR."

WRONG doesn't even begin to cover it...

Still undecided? Think again before you vote tomorrow